Robert Brink - Writer

RobBrink.com 2006 Douchebag Awards!

January 4, 2007 | Skip To The Comments (10)

Since I talk a lot of shit, the other day it dawned on me to just shout out the lamest thing of 2006 as a sort of year-end wrap-up thing. And this thing, hands down, in my opinion, has to be people who wear Bluetooth earpieces in public. I know you people think you are important, have stuff to "handle," are married to your job, are a "mover and a shaker" or whatever...but really you just look like a fuckin' douchebag. Especially on a Sunday while you are walking with your wife or girlfriend or kids in the park or the mall or at Disneyland. For real...tone it down a bit...your wife or girl isn't impressed...neither are we.

If you are a woman wearing a Bluetooth earpiece, you most likely look more awkward than the guys wearing them. why don't you break out your corporate suit from the '80 with the linebacker shoulder pads too while you're at it? Seriously folks, You don't need to be pretending how important you are anymore. You're probably all from the same generation of people who thought your pager made you look cool in the early '90s.

Second place, although it isn't a new invention or anything, is the "soul patch." I see a lot of this in the "action sports industry." It pretty much means you have no clue about anything or you are some washed-up dude trying to flair yourself out, OC style. Unless you have sold millions of records and can play a mean guitar, in which case you might still look like a total douchebag unless you are Stevie Ray Vaughn or B.B. King, you probably should get rid of your "flavor savor." If you have gray hair in it, even worse. While talking to someone with one of these God awful things, I'm just fixated on it thinkin' what a dumbass you are because you have hair on your face that resembles a woman's private parts in the '70s. That, and the fact that you spent your time sculpting the fuck outta your facial hair in the mirror one day, feeling oh-so-stoked on your "new look," is just completely bewildering. If you weren't getting laid without a soul patch, growing one certainly won't help. Do us all a favor and grow a goatee or just shave that tuft of shit off your face. Thanks.

Honorable Mention goes to anyone driving a Hummer. But that's just common knowledge at this point, and would have made a great award recipient if I had this site going in 2003, which is kinda what makes all you Hummer owners even bigger douchebags...that fact that you already know a Hummer is a douchebag car to own and you still run it.

There you have it. The first annual RobBrink.com Douchebag Awards. Stay tuned in a year for more.