11 Ways To Be An Idiot At A Concert

11 Ways

11 Ways To Be An Idiot At A Concert
By Rob Brink
Stance Magazine, June 2003

Dye your hair the day before the show so your forehead and scalp are still stained.
Dress up in clothes you would never have the balls to wear on the street. It's your turn to make a fashion statement.
Sing all lyrics throughout the entire show. This way, you can't hear the music, nor can the people around you. Then we'll realize that we should have paid to see you perform instead.
Dance, jump around, and flail your arms up in the air while holding your drink so it spills on everyone's heads.
Vomit on someone. Anyone.
Be sure to bump into people with your cigarette and burn them or their clothes. Apologize while blowing smoke in their face.
When you're done crowd surfing and security pulls you down over the barrier and walks you out, scream and cheer for yourself.
Stage dive onto people who aren't looking.
Talk on your cell phone in the middle of a show, even though there is no way you'll hear anything. Stick a finger in the other ear, like it'll help.
While lathered in sweat, with your acne-ridden back and shoulders exposed, rub up against others around you.
Go to any length to show off your new tattoo that still has the ointment all over it. Go topless, roll up your pant leg, cut the sleeves off your shirt whatever it takes to show the masses that you are indeed "extreme."

Robert Brink - Writer